


The Tale of Iwaizumi and the Three Intoxicated Idiots

by LugianBeforeSwine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, T for drinking and swearing, why does iwaizumi put up with this nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4104579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LugianBeforeSwine/pseuds/LugianBeforeSwine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi regrets every decision he has ever made that led to the events of this one Friday night (but by Saturday morning, everything is much better.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tale of Iwaizumi and the Three Intoxicated Idiots

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jibrailis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jibrailis/gifts).



> I really hope you like it, jibrailis!! Thanks for allowing me to include the irresistible HanaMatsu.

Iwaizumi was literally a saint, and no one appreciated him nearly enough.

Oikawa had invited Matsukawa and Hanamaki to spend the weekend at he and Iwaizumi’s apartment, which Iwaizumi had readily agreed to because he missed their former teammates. Friday evening had started out innocently enough, with the greasiest pizza Iwaizumi had ever laid eyes on, followed by shrieking at each other so loudly over a multi-player video game that one of their neighbors had come to their door to make sure they were alright.

After the shrieking had died down, the boredom began to set in, which was when Oikawa had voiced the worst idea he had ever come up with: that they should get drunk and go bar-hopping.

On the surface, it didn’t sound that bad. They were all of age, and there was nothing wrong with having some fun now and then, especially since their friends were in from out of town. So they had all gone along with it, and headed out to the first stop on their adventure around 10 o’clock.

The bar was just starting to fill up with people, and the four of them sat down at a table and placed their drink orders with a waitress.

“I’m so excited!” Oikawa exclaimed. “I haven’t been to a bar in so long!”

“It’s really nothing special,” Iwaizumi said gruffly as their drinks arrived. “Just an overpriced version of drinking at home.”

“Don’t be such a stick in the mud, Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa said, taking the first sip of his beer and smiling. “Ahh, I made a good choice.”

“Iwa-chan, don’t spoil our fun. You agreed to come here. Besides, you can’t be grumpy when Mattsun and Makki are here.” He made to smile at their friends, but his eyes widened when he caught sight of Hanamaki. “What the hell?!” he cried.

Hanamaki licked his lips, smiled, and set his empty glass down.

“Damn,” Matsukawa said appreciatively.

“Hanamaki—” Iwaizumi began sternly, but Hanamaki cut him off.

“Please, group mom,” he said, still smiling pleasantly, “I can handle myself.”

Oikawa gave an amazed little laugh, then flagged down their waitress. “Excuse me, miss! This man needs another beer.” He pointed at Hanamaki, who grinned.

“The same kind?” their waitress asked him, and he nodded, then paused. “Wait,” he said. The waitress turned around. “You might as well bring two.”

The waitress laughed and nodded, and Matsukawa clapped Hanamaki on the back.

“Hell yes! That’s the spirit!” he said, and began to drain his own beer.

Iwaizumi dropped his head and gnawed on the rim of his glass. This was going to be a disastrous night, he could already tell.

-

What Hanamaki had failed to mention was that he was a cheap drunk. After consuming his next two beers over the course of three minutes, his lucidity began to visually deteriorate. It was shortly after this development that Oikawa finished his own beer and announced that they were moving on to the next bar.

Oikawa whistled happily as they walked towards their next destination, and Hanamaki looked around at the shops and restaurants lining the streets, grinning widely, even while clinging pathetically to Matsukawa’s hand (“I don’t want him to get lost.”)

Oikawa temporarily stopped his whistling and looked over at Iwaizumi, who was walking beside him. “You need to drink more at this next bar, Iwa-chan. You still look grumpy.”

“Someone has to take care of you three when you’re all bombed out of your minds and can’t remember how to get home,” Iwaizumi answered. “Besides, I’ve had as much to drink as you.”

“Hmm,” Oikawa said, seeming to seriously consider this. “You’re right! I’ll have to drink more too!”

Iwaizumi dropped his face into his hands. “That is not what I meant.”

From behind them, Matsukawa laughed loudly. “I’m glad to see that you’re still just as much of a mom as you were in high school, Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi turned around to flash him a glare. Hanamaki was now hanging shamelessly off of Matsukawa’s arm.

“We’re here!” Oikawa announced as he began climbing the steps of a large building.

Matsukawa looked down at Hanamaki, who was eyeing the building excitedly. “There’re stairs,” he said. “Can you manage?”

“Hell yeah I can manage!” Hanamaki shouted, letting go of Matsukawa’s arm and rushing forward. Miraculously, he made it up the stairs without incident, and the others were quick to catch up.

This time, they seated themselves at the bar counter, which offered a great view of the bar’s dancefloor and the live band that was playing. Somehow, drinks materialized in front of them a minute later, and Iwaizumi and Matsukawa looked around in confusion. Oikawa sent them a wink, and Iwaizumi groaned. Hanamaki looked far too pleased with the alcohol that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“Well,” Matsukawa began as Hanamaki slurped away at his drink, “I better catch up. Thanks, Oikawa,” he said, saluting his former captain.

“You’re welcome, Mattsun!” Oikawa chirped.

Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa.

“What?” Oikawa asked mildly. “I just want everyone to have fun!”

Against his will, Iwaizumi’s expression softened. “Fine, but don’t buy me anymore, okay? I don’t want to get drunk.”

“Iwa-chan is so responsible,” Oikawa said, sticking his tongue out at him.

“And you’re damn lucky that that’s true.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Oikawa replied, leaning his head against Iwaizumi’s shoulder for a moment. Iwaizumi turned his face away and took a sip of his beer. There was a reason that he cared so much for Oikawa’s well-being, a reason that went beyond their lifelong friendship, but Oikawa didn’t have to know about that.

Another few minutes was all it took for both Matsukawa and Hanamaki to finish their drinks, and Matsukawa wisely suggested to his best friend that they take a break before ordering anything more. Hanamaki apparently decided that this would be an ideal opportunity to try out his “hella sweet moves” on the dancefloor, and before Iwaizumi could even tell him not to vomit on anyone, he was out of his seat and drunkenly swaying his way over to the small crowd of people dancing near the bar.

Matsukawa rested his chin on his hand and watched Hanamaki awkwardly dance by himself, the look on his face somewhere between fondness and exasperation. Hanamaki’s eyes were closed, and no one on the floor was paying him any attention, which seemed to suit him just fine.

“He actually can move,” said Oikawa appreciatively, watching Hanamaki follow the beat of the music, albeit a second or two behind the song.

Matsukawa snorted into his palm, and Iwaizumi said, “That only looks good to you because you can’t dance for shit.”

“Hey!” Oikawa cried. “I can dance wonderfully!”

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi asked casually. “Prove it.”

“I…” Oikawa looked around, dismayed. Both of his friends were smirking at him. “Mattsun…” he began pleadingly.

“Nope,” Matsukawa said immediately. “Go upstage Hanamaki.” He paused, then added, “If you can.”

Oikawa’s gaze narrowed and he frowned into his drink, then tipped the rest of the liquid into his mouth in one long gulp. “Okay,” he said sternly, glaring at Matsukawa and Iwaizumi in turn, “I’ll show you how amazing I am.”

As soon as Oikawa got on the dancefloor, he called out to Hanamaki, who opened his eyes just enough to make out Oikawa’s features.

“What,” Hanamaki slurred, head still bobbing a little to the music.

“We need to have a dance-off,” Oikawa stated, as if it was an important, official matter. As he said the words, his felt his mind getting a little fuzzy. Was it always this warm in here?

“A what?” Hanamaki asked over the music. His eyes were closed again, and he was only half-facing Oikawa now, and something in Oikawa’s brain broke through the fog to tell him that they should get off the floor before one of them puked, or passed out, or passed out in their own puke.

The problem was that Oikawa was already dancing. Hanamaki cracked open one eyelid and offered a weak “Ayy” in his direction, and this only spurred him on. Damn, dancing was fun. If only Iwa-chan was out here with him.

“What the fuck are they doing,” Iwaizumi said from the bar. Matsukawa was laughing uproariously, and had already taken a short video which he planned on watching any time he felt sad in the future.

“They’re…they’re wiggling,” Matsukawa said between giggles, and Iwaizumi agreed that that really was the best word to describe the terrible pantomime of dancing occurring in front of them. He barked out a laugh and turned back to Matsukawa.

“Should we go rescue them?”

“Probably.”

As they both stood up, though, Iwaizumi quickly discovered that he had a problem on his hands.

“Holy shit,” Matsukawa said, gripping the edge of the bar for support, “the room is spinning.”

Iwaizumi allowed himself only one narrow-eyed, disbelieving look and one long-suffering sigh before pushing Matsukawa back down into his seat at the bar and ordering him to stay put.

“But Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa whined, reaching out a hand dramatically, “what will I do without you?”

Iwaizumi stared at him for a second, then turned and headed toward the dancefloor to collect his other inebriated friends, and if he muttered a few choice curse words under his breath, who could even tell over the pulsating music?

-

Their bar crawl ended after only two bars, which wasn’t really a crawl, Iwaizumi thought, as much as a short series of poor decisions. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were now stumbling around the street together, their joined hands swinging between them, and Iwaizumi was simultaneously trying to make sure they didn’t get run over by a car and attempting to keep Oikawa a respectable distance away from himself.

Iwaizumi couldn’t believe Oikawa was drunk after only two beers. He was the one who had suggested this outing, after all; although Iwaizumi rarely saw him drink alcohol, he had assumed that his tolerance would be a bit higher given his bar-hopping plan.

Maybe it was a blessing that they had only lasted long enough to see the inside of two bars.

“Iwa-chan, I cannot—” Oikawa hiccupped, clutching tighter to Iwaizumi’s arm, and Iwaizumi tried valiantly not to stiffen his back at the touch. “I cannot believe we are going to McDonald’s.”

Iwaizumi snorted. “You’re the one who wanted fries so badly—HEY! Hanamaki, get out of the street!”

“I found a snail!” Hanamaki cheered from a few paces ahead. Matsukawa ruffled Hanamaki’s hair and laughed gleefully. Iwaizumi jogged to catch up, dragging Oikawa along with him.

“That’s not a snail!” Iwaizumi barked as Hanamaki attempted to pick up a gooey piece of garbage. “Don’t touch that, dumbass!”

“Ooh, you got in trouble,” Matsukawa cooed at Hanamaki, at the same time as Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi, a hurt, pitiful expression on his face.

“Iwa-chan, I thought that was your special nickname for me. Why are you calling Makki that?”

Iwaizumi looked between the three idiots he called his friends, smacked himself gently in the forehead with his palm, and then grabbed onto Oikawa’s arm with one hand and Hanamaki’s with the other. “Hold onto him,” he growled at Matsukawa, who latched onto Hanamaki’s hand, sniggering.

As Iwaizumi marched the group out of the street, a car passed by them and ran over the piece of trash that Hanamaki had been trying to pick up.

“Noooo!” he cried pitifully, trying to squirm his way out of Iwaizumi’s death-grip on his arm. “Snail-saaaan! I will never forget you!”

-

The only reason Iwaizumi had agreed to chaperone the drunkards to McDonald’s was because he thought the cheap, delicious food would both help to sober them up somewhat and distract them from doing anything else ridiculous and potentially life-threatening. Oikawa was easy enough to manage; he smiled at his large order of fries, appearing to be completely blissful as he ate them.

Iwaizumi hated to leave him alone at their table, but Hanamaki and Matsukawa had disappeared over ten minutes ago, claiming to both have to use the restroom, and Iwaizumi felt obligated to find out if either of them had accidentally drowned in a toilet.

Iwaizumi’s gaze slid to Oikawa, who was humming quietly to himself as he ate, totally placated. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” Iwaizumi said to him as he started to exit the booth, and Oikawa’s eyes lifted to Iwaizumi’s face.

“Okay, Iwa-chan,” he said, beaming at him before turning back to his fries.

Even when he was completely smashed, Oikawa was still as charming and beautiful as ever, and that really should not be allowed, Iwaizumi thought irritably as he stormed his way to the bathroom.

It was empty. He looked under every stall door. No feet visible. What the hell.

Then a thought occurred to him. A terrible, awful, completely plausible thought: the playscape. He rushed out into the main restaurant, quickly noted that Oikawa was still occupied with his food, and nearly ripped the door to the playscape open as he barged through. His ears were immediately assaulted with loud, echoing giggles.

“HANAMAKI. MATSUKAWA.”

The giggling stopped. Iwaizumi waited.

“Oh no,” a voice whispered, “Mom caught us.” The giggling resumed, twice as loud as it had been before. Iwaizumi didn’t even think before charging headfirst up a rope ladder. He wasn’t out to murder either of them, but bodily harm of some sort was high on his priorities list. Why had he ever agreed to this stupid plan of Oikawa’s?

-

By the time the four of them got back to Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s apartment, it was a little after two in the morning, and Iwaizumi wanted nothing more than to sleep into the late afternoon. He could feel a headache starting in his temples. It had nothing to do with drinking and everything to do with the three drunk guys on the floor of his living room, two of whom were passed out against the front of the couch, arms curled around each other and snoring loudly.

Iwaizumi would save that particular investigation for another day. Right now, he had an issue to deal with.

“Iwa-chan, pleeeease,” Oikawa begged from his place sitting cross-legged on the floor. “What if I get sick in the middle of the night and I need someone to take care of me?”

“Then knock on the wall or something, I dunno!” It wasn’t that Iwaizumi didn’t want to share a bed with Oikawa. In fact, he knew he should be jumping on this opportunity. Oikawa did seem to have sobered up somewhat, and after all, they used to sleep in the same bed all the time when they were younger; maybe this wouldn’t be any different? Regardless, Iwaizumi couldn’t help the flush in his cheeks as he pictured the scenario in his head. He looked down at Hanamaki and Matsukawa, cuddled together on the floor, and this only served to make his face heat up even more.

Oikawa, unsurprisingly, picked up on this and used it to his advantage. “You know you want to, Iwa-chan,” he said sweetly, smiling serenely up at him.

Iwaizumi huffed. “Fine. But only if you’ll shut up and let me sleep.”

Oikawa cheered, but did not acknowledge Iwaizumi’s condition. He stood up, latched onto Iwaizumi’s arm, and tugged him around the corner and into his bedroom, only tripping over air once on the way there. Once inside, he let go of Iwaizumi and collapsed face-first into his bed.

“You’re not gonna change?” Iwaizumi asked. He was still nervous. He shifted from foot to foot; crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“No,” Oikawa answered, flopping over onto his back to look at Iwaizumi. “And neither are you.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t believe he was doing this. He sat himself gingerly on the bed, and Oikawa immediately pounced on him, hands on his chest as he pushed Iwaizumi’s head into a pillow. He looked very…intent, Iwaizumi thought. Before he could figure out what that expression meant, Oikawa was pulling the covers back on his side of the bed and climbing in underneath them.

“C’mon, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said softly. He yawned, and Iwaizumi couldn’t help but find it adorable that Oikawa was so sleepy. Unable to deny him anything at this point, Iwaizumi wriggled himself under the covers and pulled them up around both of them. Immediately, Oikawa’s arms and legs wrapped around him, pulling Iwaizumi so close that they were sharing half a pillow.

Oikawa was smiling softly at Iwaizumi, his eyes big and warm and his cheeks a faint pink. Iwaizumi was gritting his teeth, struggling to maintain eye contact, and sporting a blush so red it would have put a tomato to shame.

Finally, Oikawa closed his eyes. He snuggled closer, tucking his head under Iwaizumi’s chin, and sighed. A moment passed. Iwaizumi tentatively draped an arm across Oikawa’s waist, and he could feel Oikawa smiling against his neck. It was pleasant, in a mildly terrifying way. A way that made his chest tighten and his heart beat so erratically he thought he might be ill.

Oikawa’s breathing evened out eventually, and Iwaizumi wondered how he had managed to fall asleep with Iwaizumi’s heart attempting to take flight from his chest mere inches from Oikawa’s face. As it turned out, Oikawa was not asleep, which Iwaizumi discovered when Oikawa murmured “Iwa-chan.”

“Hmm?” Iwaizumi responded, and maybe his hand came up so he could run his fingers through Oikawa’s hair, but who was there to see?

“I love you.”

Iwaizumi’s hand stopped abruptly. His whole body stiffened. “What?” he asked cautiously.

Oikawa’s breath fanned out across Iwaizumi’s neck as he sighed. “I’ve always loved you, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re drunk,” he blurted quickly, like a defense mechanism.

“Mm, maybe,” Oikawa conceded. He lifted his head to look at Iwaizumi, and suddenly Iwaizumi could not move air through his lungs. Oikawa looked so earnest, but he couldn’t let himself hope— “If I tell you again tomorrow, will you believe me?”

I want to, Iwaizumi thought helplessly. “Yeah,” he choked out, unable to tear his eyes away from Oikawa’s face. “Yeah, I will.”

“And,” Oikawa continued, “will you say it back?” _And mean it?_ went unspoken, but Iwaizumi understood.

He sucked in a deep breath. There was no point in lying. “Yes,” he said quietly. “I will.”

Oikawa beamed at him, then returned to nuzzling against Iwaizumi’s neck. “Good,” he breathed.

-

That night, Iwaizumi slept in fits and flashes, and awoke shortly before nine o’clock to discover that Oikawa was no longer in bed with him. He ran his hand down his face, wondering if he’d dreamed the conversation they had had last night.

A little apprehensively, he got out of bed and opened the door to the hallway. He could hear laughter coming from around the corner, and when he peeked out, he saw Oikawa making coffee in their kitchenette.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Matsukawa said from the living room as Iwaizumi cautiously stepped out of the hallway. Matsukawa was sitting on the couch with Hanamaki sprawled across his lap, and at his words, Hanamaki’s eyes opened blearily.

“Umm,” Iwaizumi said, turning towards Oikawa, who was watching him with a smile on his face.

“Poor Makki isn’t doing too well, so I’m making him some extra-strong coffee,” Oikawa said brightly.

Hanamaki groaned from his place on the couch as if affirming Oikawa’s words, and Matsukawa laughed, stroking his hair.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said suddenly, motioning for Iwaizumi to come over to him. “Can you help me with this?”

Iwaizumi’s feet were moving towards Oikawa before he had even finished speaking. He was so nervous, so hopeful, so unsure—

When Iwaizumi reached him, Oikawa tilted his head down, and his lips brushed against Iwaizumi’s ear as he whispered, “I meant it, Hajime. I love you.”

“HOLY SHIT,” Iwaizumi blurted, then immediately clapped a hand over his mouth. Oikawa stared at him in disbelief for a second, then burst into howling laughter. Iwaizumi was mortified. Maybe if he prayed fervently enough, a lightning bolt would crackle through their apartment and strike him where he stood.

“What are you two doing?” Matsukawa asked, and Iwaizumi could tell from the tone of his voice that he was smirking.

Well, Iwaizumi thought. There was only one thing to do. He composed himself as best as he could, stared directly at Oikawa, who was still laughing quietly, then leaned up and spoke into Oikawa’s ear. “I love you too, Tooru,” he whispered.

Seeing Oikawa’s face flush from a distance of approximately two centimeters away was a sight that Iwaizumi would never forget.

“Coffee!” Oikawa squeaked, stumbling backwards and hurriedly righting himself against the kitchen counter.

Matsukawa was looking at them knowingly. Hanamaki appeared to have fallen asleep. Iwaizumi directed his gaze back to Oikawa and smiled at him, a little sheepishly. Oikawa smiled back.

“Does this mean,” Hanamaki said suddenly, his eyes never opening, “that the four of us can officially go on double dates now?”

“WHAT?!”

**Author's Note:**

> And they all lived happily ever after~


End file.
